8.15.11

I keep thinking that I am forgetting everything and everyone from my ten weeks overseas because I have not been able to think about it constantly. There are so many things going on right now that take up my time. Because of that, I have felt really bad...like I have forgotten all of it. I pulled out my computer and began looking at some of the pictures, which only brought tears to my eyes. There is no way that I could forget. I miss those people so much. I still feel like I left a part of my heart in that country.

I guess the reality is that I have to go about with things in my life here. I can't just stay inside and mope around all the time. Classes start in a little over a week, I'll go back to work, and life will have to go on the same as it always has---but I don't have to be the same. I am slowly realizing that although I have changed as a result of my time spent abroad, I can enjoy life here and now. If I don't, I will be miserable and it won't please the Lord. So the plan is to just trust the Lord and make sure that I never forget what I saw and experienced this summer.

I arrived back home last night from a trip to North Carolina to visit my grandma. While we were there, we wanted to do some fun, vacationy things instead of just staying in her small town. Things didn't go exactly how we planned, though. We found that my grandma has not been doing well on her own. We began to notice a change in her last November and came to the conclusion that she was getting dementia. That was confirmed when she stayed with us this spring for about a month. Her short-term memory was really starting to go...to the point that she would ask me the same question multiple times in a day (or for several days.) This time, we discovered that it got even worse and was beginning to look like early stages of Alzheimer's. We knew from the moment we arrived that she would have to go back home with us. Because of this, we spent the week packing things and cleaning her house. It was quite a chore! We did get to go to the beach twice which was nice...but that was the extent of "vacation." Yesterday, my mom drove the van with Gram, and I drove our car with Tiffany. It was my first time driving 13 hours.......and I was pretty exhausted when we got home. 

This week, Gram is staying at my aunt's house in Knoxville. I talked to her for a while today and she seems to be doing okay. She really had a hard time with the whole situation because she would forget everything we told her shortly after we did. I can't imagine what it must feel like to get bad news over and over and over again. I don't know a whole lot about Alzheimer's, but I plan to read about it in the days to come. It breaks my heart to see my "Gram Cracker" like this, but I am so glad that we are going to be taking care of her. My mom and I spent the day cleaning out the guest room and moving Gram's clothes and stuff in to make it her own. :)

It's been a rough week, but I feel like I've been learning a lot. I've learned more about how to deal with these difficult situations, patience, and trying to understand from a different point of view. I'm beginning to realize that God will never stop teaching me things. It feels like I constantly have trials facing me, but I am learning that through those, I always find His faithfulness and provision. 

Time for bed. I've been going to bed and waking up early. This is new compared to what I was doing for the weeks following my arrival in the USA (usually going to bed past 3 and waking up at 1.) Jet lag has FINALLY worn off, so now that I've developed a schedule, I'm going to stick with it! I will also save some time each night to pray for people in Cambodia individually. I've made a list of people to pray for each day of the week. I found that trying to get 30+ people in each night is unsuccessful. I guess it's kind of like counting sheep.....

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