8.16.11

"Maturity means maintaining continuity with the past in the presence of growth and change." I found this statement in Elisabeth Elliot's book, These Strange Ashes. She goes on to say that "it is a painful process. I strove consciously to embrace change instantly and completely, to be satisfied with the unfamiliar." Interesting...to mature means that you do not let go of the past, but at the same time you move forward and embrace change. As humans, we are constantly changing: our minds grow as we learn new things, our opinions and tastes change, our bodies are constantly changing, etc. etc.

So, after reading these words from a woman I respect and admire, I have taken into consideration the changes I have experienced not only in going to Cambodia, but also in returning home. I guess you could say that I have been holding myself back from maturation (unintentionally.) I have been holding on to everything from Cambodia without wanting to fully engage myself here. It's a gradual process, but it dawned on me that I am not allowing the Lord to teach me new things here. Because there was such a major change that took place in my life and heart in Cambodia, I have been holding onto it and have neglected to really seek growth since being back.

I also realized tonight that I have been anxious about so many things lately and have not really sought the Lord about all of it. Yes, I've prayed. In fact, I've prayed a LOT...but am still waiting on answers. I felt like He told me tonight that I have to be desperate. I haven't gotten to the point of desperation. Yes, I desperately need answers, but I haven't been desperately seeking Him. To seek means "to search for; to make an attempt; to aim at." As I was realizing all of this, lyrics to a song came to mind: "The more I seek you, the more I find you. The more I find you, the more I love you." If we seek Him in desperation, we will surely find Him and fall more in love with Him. Another song that I listened to tonight says, "Everything I ever wanted I found in you." This is so true. It's been true in my life. Things that I thought I wanted, I eventually found in Him. He knows what we need. He's waiting on us to desperately seek Him out so that we can find Him and hear from Him.

I believe that when He is sought out and is found, the answers will come. It is then that we will continually be desperate because we have made a habit of seeking Him. And as these things take place, we will find change and growth in our lives and consequently, maturation.


"Guide me, O Thou Great Jehovah,
Pilgrim through this barren land,
I am week, but Thou art mighty,
Hold me with Thy powerful hand."
[from the Keswick Hymnal also quoted by Elisabeth Elliot]