Thoughts

http://www.rainbowkids.com/ArticleDetails.aspx?id=472

I came across an article with the story of a woman who sought to do what seemed almost impossible. There's nothing crazy that stands out in this story, except the work of the Lord. I found this as I was searching about how people have started orphanages. There are two things I am certain of: First is that I know for a fact the Lord has called me into full-time ministry. I know bits and pieces of what that entails, but of course, He hasn't told me everything. The second is that I love kids and can't see my life going in any direction that doesn't involve them in some way.

Since the Lord placed missions on my heart almost 2 years ago, I had no idea what He had in mind. Soon after He called me, I began to think about the possibility of starting an orphanage someday. I've thought about it many times since. I especially thought about it this summer since we practically lived at the children's home. I started thinking about it tonight and I realize that the more I think about it, the more I feel drawn to it.

My heart is to see broken, unloved, fatherless children find a home full of love and acceptance. While I have not experienced anything near to what some children have, I still feel as though I could somehow relate to them. My mother was incredible and I am so thankful for her determination to raise me for the Lord. I was very blessed to grow up in the home that I did...but it has just been the two of us since I was 20 months old. I have struggled with insecurity and fear of rejection for much of my life. I believe the Lord set me free from this insecurity several years ago, but it is still something that I understand because I felt that for so long. I am certain that the Lord gave me the life I have because He wants me to use it to impact others' lives. Why would He give me this life if not to use it as a testimony of His goodness and an opportunity to love those who have experienced similar things? It's funny because I used to always think that I did not have a "real" testimony because I had never done horrible things in my life. I was informed that my testimony was that the Lord kept me. This is so very true...but I believe that the circumstances in my life--my dad leaving, rejection from friends, etc.-- are all a part of my testimony. The things I learned through all of these trials cannot be replaced!

With all of this said, I believe starting an orphanage (or something like that) is a very likely possibility in my life. I think about some of the children in Mongolia who do not have parents and who are homeless- living underground to stay warm. That is where the Lord called me in March 2010. What if He would have me rescue some of those kids and give them a loving home? I don't know. I never know what the Lord has up His sleeve. He always surprises me (usually with very unexpected things), so who knows! These are just my thoughts tonight. They're thoughts coming from a very tired girl on Thanksgiving. :)

With that said.........I am thankful for the call of God on my life. I am thankful for the life and the testimony He has given me. And I am thankful for His promises.

I am His.

"I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me." -Song of Solomon 7:10

I belong to the Lord and He desires me. He desires my trust, intimacy, and complete reliance on Him. He desires for me to come close to Him and truly act as though I am His. God desires for me to love Him wholeheartedly without placing other things before Him. I've found that I am unable to really say, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine" because I haven't kept Him first in my life lately. In a sense, I have neglected my first love (Revelation 2.) To say that He is mine would imply that He belongs to me and that I have placed Him before all other things.

In saying that He has not been first in my life, I do not mean that I have rebelled against Him in any way. There has just been so much going on. This semester has been one of the most difficult thus far. I've been so busy that I have neglected to keep Him before everything else. It is so easy to allow all of the cares of life to get in the way of our relationship with God. Sometimes, I believe, we can get so bogged down with all other obligations in life that we neglect the most important thing. This happens so subtly that we sometimes do not even realize it is happening. My desire is not to drift away from the Lord and my devotion to Him. My desire is to move further TOWARDS Him, but it's difficult and it requires a lot...however, it is the most important thing.

So, in the midst of the chaos in my life-- the stress of school (which is absolutely overwhelming,) the crazy amount of time spent at work, and my busyness in other things (church, social life, etc.)-- I MUST make sure that I am allowing the Lord to be sovereign in my life. He desires me, so why would I ever deny Him? He longs for us to be with Him- to trust Him- to love Him- and to make Him our very own. He desires that sweet covenant relationship with Him. We were translating Genesis 2:24 in Hebrew class today and my professor talked about the Hebrew word for "cleave" as it is used in this passage. He said that this is complete covenantal language. Here, man was said to leave his parents and to cleave or cling to his wife in order that they might become one flesh. In order to truly experience that Berith Covenantal relationship with the Lord, we must cleave to Him. [Cleave: cling to, adhere to, to remain faithful to, etc.] This act will then prove that not only am I His, but He is mine.