It's been one week since I returned home from my 10 weeks in Cambodia. I will be honest, this has been one of the hardest weeks of my life. I have never felt so out of place. It's amazing that I can come home and feel as though I don't belong and that my home is somewhere on the other side of the world. I realize that it sounds ridiculous, but it is truly how I feel. In this time overseas, I have gained so many brothers and sisters in Christ. I keep telling people that I have never felt more love and acceptance than I did from the people there. It's cliche to say, but I think I really did leave a portion of my heart in Siem Reap.
Although it has been difficult, I thank God that He has opened my eyes to so much this summer. I have now seen a part of the world that I was completely oblivious to 11 weeks ago. In this world, there are children and adults alike digging through trash to find pieces of plastic in order to make a small amount of money so they can have food to eat, people are completely cut off and rejected by their families because of their faith in Jesus Christ, and children are neglected by their parents and left to fend for themselves which oftentimes leads them into human trafficking. While I was there, I experienced love from children who have seen nothing but hate and rejection until they were rescued and brought to an orphanage where they found the love of Jesus. I experienced church services in a village under a grass hut where the Lord moved in mighty ways and believe it or not, we experienced Him without cool lights, a sound system, and well...even a building! That's probably hard for many American Christians to believe.
Now, after all of that...I come back to life in a country where greed is growing more rapidly than ever, where shorts that have the same amount of fabric as underwear are accepted and even encouraged, and where living for Christ has no price at all...except of course the amounts of money spent on our church buildings. It's hard to acclimate back into this culture. Not only have I missed my friends in Cambodia, I have also been in a state of culture shock for the past week to the point of not wanting to leave the house at all. I know it will take time and the Lord will teach me through all of this, but for now, I am just having to deal with things slowly. Very slowly.
School starts back on August 24 and there are many big decisions that I have to make by that time. I have been seeking the Lord about what He wants me to do this semester as far as ministry involvement and work. I am going to try my hardest to raise money this year so I can go back to Cambodia (unless God has another place in mind.) I graduate from Lee in May and after that, I want to spend my summer (or longer) working for the Lord in this type of setting again. It's all up to the Lord. I won't act on anything until I hear from Him...and I'm not quite sure how long that will take. I am moving into a season of trusting and waiting on God and HIS will. I am reminded of what Isaiah 55:8-9 says: "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." My plans can never come close to measuring up to His, so I must wait on what He wills.
First of all, I have to say that I never realized how well you put things into words :) This is not my strongest point. I wish it was! I think back all those times in English class when you were so frustrated with the papers we had to do & you always said you were never a good writer. But maybe its because its easier to write about things that mean alot to us. :)
ReplyDeleteNeedless to say, I like what you said in this post. I find myself constantly praying and asking the Lord, "What is my responsibility as an American Christian?" I desperately need wisdom in this area. In reading Scripture and listening to those much wiser than me, I've found that our biggest responsibility is to share what we have been abundantly given. Not just material things, but everything. Our lives, our time, our wealth, our faith, and the list could go on.
Sometimes I wish I could just run away from everything here in America because many things frustrate me and disgust me. There is something so sweet about being in an environment where communion with the Lord is authentic and simple. By simple, I don't mean without difficulty. I mean "simple" as in being of a common mind--setting our eyes on Jesus and loving Him with everything we have. Last year in my missionary methods class, my eyes were opened to many things that go on in different cultures. I remember sitting in class and saying to the Lord, "We are SO broken! All of us." In doesn't matter what culture you are in, you will find disgusting and sinful things.
But for some reason...I have very little tolerance for things that go on in America. I think this is because it is so familiar to us. It is the country I was born into; I had no choice. Obviously, the Lord chose to place me in this environment for a reason. Like you said, "Because I have seen, I am now responsible." This applies to all environments that we are in! In the end, I'm glad that I get frustrated with our American culture--even if it does cost me many sleepless nights and feelings of absolute disgust. I never want to be "at peace" with everything that goes on in this world.
I'm glad the Lord is teaching us these things & guiding us as He wills. Love you :)
Well thanks for the kind words. :) I think I do write better when it's about things I'm passionate about. I'm glad you understand what I'm saying.
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