Tears

The tears come and go.

Prior to Thursday, I was pretty much just staying at home where I was able to dwell on the fact that I am no longer in Cambodia...no longer with the people that I have come to love this summer. On Thursday, I began making arrangements to see people that I have avoided for the 10 days that I had been back only because I knew I would not be able to fake my excitement. Because of that, I had to wait to see people. Although I love everyone here very much, it is so difficult to actually fully BE here. I feel as though my heart is on the other side of the world. I realize that it's all a part of the "normal" process of returning to your home country, but that doesn't  discount the fact that it is so very hard.

On Thursday, I spent time with my dear friend, Tiffany. To my surprise, it made me feel so much better to be able to share some stories with someone who ASKED and LISTENED with interest. Many people ask about the trip, but just cannot relate. So for me to tell detailed stories from my 10 weeks abroad is uninteresting to them....and I understand that. I really do. That is probably why this is so difficult. No matter who I tell, they will never be able to fully understand because they haven't seen the things I have seen or experienced what I have experienced. Despite this, I had someone who cared enough to sit through all of my (probably immensely) boring details and for that, I am so thankful.

Following my time spent with Tiffany, I went up to Cleveland to see some friends graduate. Catie, one of my amazing teammates, graduated today. It was so good to see [most of] my team there. It almost felt like we were all together again in Cambodia. Almost. Have I mentioned that I love my team? Well, I do. I couldn't have asked for a better group of people to spend my summer ministering with. Emily, my wonderful roommate for those short 10 weeks, stayed with me at my apartment the last 2 nights and it was SO good to be able to be together again. I am so thankful to have her as a friend.

Now, all of these festivities are over and I am back home where I am no longer surrounded by friends. Sitting in my room alone only reminds me of where I want to be once again. Honestly, I was taken aback by my ability to enjoy myself the past few days. I was also sad because I thought maybe I was forgetting everything and moving on, in a way. Now that I am alone, everything came back: my sadness, homesickness, and brokenness...and to be quite honest, I am glad. I don't want to ever forget how I have felt since leaving Cambodia. I pray that the Lord will continually remind me and keep me broken. I know He will because I know how He changed me and that is something I could never forget.

So, I realize that life goes on and I really can enjoy it......even through the occasional tears.