"I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me." -Song of Solomon 7:10
I belong to the Lord and He desires me. He desires my trust, intimacy, and complete reliance on Him. He desires for me to come close to Him and truly act as though I am His. God desires for me to love Him wholeheartedly without placing other things before Him. I've found that I am unable to really say, "I am my Beloved's and He is mine" because I haven't kept Him first in my life lately. In a sense, I have neglected my first love (Revelation 2.) To say that He is mine would imply that He belongs to me and that I have placed Him before all other things.
In saying that He has not been first in my life, I do not mean that I have rebelled against Him in any way. There has just been so much going on. This semester has been one of the most difficult thus far. I've been so busy that I have neglected to keep Him before everything else. It is so easy to allow all of the cares of life to get in the way of our relationship with God. Sometimes, I believe, we can get so bogged down with all other obligations in life that we neglect the most important thing. This happens so subtly that we sometimes do not even realize it is happening. My desire is not to drift away from the Lord and my devotion to Him. My desire is to move further TOWARDS Him, but it's difficult and it requires a lot...however, it is the most important thing.
So, in the midst of the chaos in my life-- the stress of school (which is absolutely overwhelming,) the crazy amount of time spent at work, and my busyness in other things (church, social life, etc.)-- I MUST make sure that I am allowing the Lord to be sovereign in my life. He desires me, so why would I ever deny Him? He longs for us to be with Him- to trust Him- to love Him- and to make Him our very own. He desires that sweet covenant relationship with Him. We were translating Genesis 2:24 in Hebrew class today and my professor talked about the Hebrew word for "cleave" as it is used in this passage. He said that this is complete covenantal language. Here, man was said to leave his parents and to cleave or cling to his wife in order that they might become one flesh. In order to truly experience that Berith Covenantal relationship with the Lord, we must cleave to Him. [Cleave: cling to, adhere to, to remain faithful to, etc.] This act will then prove that not only am I His, but He is mine.
I can definitely agree with you about this semester being really busy. This semester has been the hardest semester for me so far. Yet, at the same time, it has also been the absolute best. Remember this summer when I was telling you about how I wished I could stop being such an "anxious" person? I feel like the Lord has stretched me in a million different ways and has helped me overcome most of my unnecessary fears. I believe I finally started thinking that those fears would never really go away...but they have! And it feels amazing. It's in the times of chaos, that I've come to desire the Lord even more. You are definitely right though...its easy to get bogged down with everything going on around you. I consider it a daily struggle and part of what Jesus meant in Mark 9 when he commands us to "take up our cross daily." Struggle or not...He's worth it.
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